Not sure how the conversation got here but Mike tells me his grandfather used to say...

 
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Dear Anonymous,

Not sure how the conversation got here but Mike tells me his grandfather used to say 'Your ass is grass. And I'm the lawn mower.' and would then thrash him.And then another man chimes in, 'My mom chased me with one of those long oversized wooden cooking spoons and whacked me on the ass....'
Another man passing by trying to get to a bathroom says 'There's a special place in heaven for you guys (Dear Anonymous).
I say, We'll meet you there.
He says, 'I 'll say hello on my way through but that's not where I'm headed. Can't do what I've done in this life and stay in heaven. My friend said 'We die into life. And then he drove his car at top speed into a brick wall.'
He hesitates, pouts his lips and says 'Yeah. He never felt no pain.'

Coffee cards. Socks. Do you have a backpack? You remembered my shoe size! Do you need pants? What size?Bye. Love you.